Pregnancy Diaries: What No One Tells You

The first trimester: shrouded in secrecy

Natasha Malpani Oswal

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Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash

You’re hoping, waiting, praying to get pregnant. You take that pregnancy test with bated breath. When only one line appears, you’re so disappointed. You were sure this time. You can’t bear more months of trying, waiting, the anticipation of the two week wait.

And then, the second line appears. You did it! You’re going to have a baby! The first day passes in a blur: a shock of hope and joy and anticipation. And then it kicks in- you’re making a life inside of you.

But how? Are you ready? What do you need to do? Suddenly the two week wait pales in comparison to this forty week journey.

The internet has so much information and misinformation. You don’t know where to turn, how much to read, what applies to you. Are we over-medicalizing, overthinking? All the literature you’re reading on getting pregnant kicks in. Unexpectedly, you’re filled with anxiety. The first 12 weeks are the most critical for the baby: what can you do to get it right, to make the baby is safe and health and happy?

You have a harder time believing you’re pregnant as the first few days go by. First you worry that you don’t have any symptoms. When the symptoms hit, you miss the old days. Your stomach is bloated. Your boobs are suddenly huge- your nipples seem to fluctuate in size, some days one breast seems larger than the other. The nausea comes in waves, you’re trying not to move too much on the days you have it. But when they subside, you worry even more. You’ve been told that the more symptoms you have the more hormones your body is making which is a good sign. You’re willing to suffer for this baby.

You need to process that you’re just a vessel: nothing is really required from you. Life exists to procreate and it will fight to form itself.

Your baby is furiously growing and developing and it doesn’t need your permission or thoughts or support. But you still want to do everything you can.

You’re a ball of hormones. Your life seems to have no purpose without this baby now: you need to have this child, you have to make sure it’s safe. When you express this to your parents, they scoff. But it’s they who crumble when your first scan- that you…

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Natasha Malpani Oswal

vc. investing in startups + stories for a new india author of reinvention and boundless. aspiring yogi.